The Monster In Our Closet
One may think it's the unmet needs and desires the cause of broken relationships. And we are tired and mostly unwilling to satisfy someone else's needs before or in the detriment of our own.
Needs and desires make us walk and even run on purpose at times. But fears.. Oh my! We hide, run, jump, climb, walk on bodies... whatever is needed. To escape our fears.
And what are fears anyway? Well, unintegrated experiences from or since early childhood. Things we haven`t completely understood that hurt and frightened us and that we never want to repeat. But guess what? They will be repeated on and on and on... Because we live in their shadows. We project from them and perceive through them. We want to escape them so badly that anything as close as a resemblance will trigger us into great discomfort and stress.
Say, one is afraid of spiders for example... God forbid you joke with "a spider on you!" unless you want one to have a heart attack or run like a lunatic. Same way one can be afraid of any number of things. Lack of freedom, lack of love, lack of purpose, lack of finances, lack of emotional stability, lack of communication, lack of harmony, lack of time, lack of respect, lack of basically the opposite of whatever is heavily imprinted in one`s subconscious as negative experience.
And so it's the lack of understanding of another one's fears, that is the issue. Instead of judging whether what we are (seemingly) requested to be or do (or are being blamed for) is right or wrong or even reasonable, trying to understand what the other person is running away from might actually resolve the confusion. Since only then we can see what exactly in our being, actions and behavior serve as a trigger for another one's fears as well as observe and dismantle our dramas and programs by confronting, understanding and releasing our own fears.
Cause only by understanding where, when and why the monster in our closet comes out, can we reveal it is only but a shadow we are scared of.
...in truth, OdiliaCarmen